Bouquet Of Clumsy Words

I Am Back...So Are Lower Gas Prices

2008-11-08T16:58:00.000-08:00

According to CNN, we are seeing the lowest gas prices that Americans have seen since Feb, '07. The national average is around $2.30 per gallon. Apparently this hasn't gotten people to use more gas since demand is still down (people using less gas). Master card says that swipes at gas stations are down 3.9% compared to last year. Now we know what this is doing to gas sales... But what is it doing to meat snack sales?

* Yes that is Jack from The Secret Life Of The American Teenager in that Jack Link's mercial.

Recently Played 10/01

2008-09-30T22:06:00.000-07:00

I know you woke up today with but one thought in your mind: "what the hell has Paul been listening too?" And that is what this post is for.

Datarock - Sex Me Up

	Datarock - Sex Me Up

	Found at skreemr.com

I can not help but love this song, I know this track seems a little forced, but I don't care. Something about it seems as though they were trying to hard. I don't really know how to explain it. Since I know very few technically correct music terms, you will just have to try and accept that explanation.

Louis XIV - Air Traffic Control

Louis XIV have been keeping me satisfied for nigh on eight months now. I was first attracted to the infectiously catchy first single titled Guilt By Association. Since that time, I have grown to appreciate the entire remainder of their newest album.

Socratic - May I Bum A Smoke

Socratic are a pretty damn good band. Naturally, I was a sucker for their close ties to Mark Hoppus, but I think their newest album is a winner regardless. Their tongue in cheek lyrics and smart melodies are catchy and easy to listen to over and over. (again with the technical wording) Plus, how can you fault a band for including a clip of Arrested Development in an official video?

I hate... 9/23/08

2008-09-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

Here is something that doesn't make sense to me. Of course there are many more, but this is what just hit me today. Ugly Girls With Nice/Cool Haircuts

Exhibit A: Maggie Gyllenhaal

I hate being tricked. I mean hook-line-and-sinker-fooled without being able to see it coming. That is what happens when you see an uggo with a totally awesome haircut. From behind the person looks inviting, and warm, then BAM, gotcha. In essence they are a walking contradiction. Their hair is a shrine to hipness and beauty, while the remainder leaves much to be desired... namely a paper bag. Now, I am not saying that I am the most handsome of gents, because I am very average. I am simply saying that I hate being duped.

Still Going Strong...

2008-09-17T19:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, this post is a few days overdue. For those who are totally cut-off from the internet, here are the 2 stand out sketches, in my mind, from Saturday's season premier of SNL.

Everyone knows that Palin looks like Tina Fey or vice versa. I know believe them to be the same person.

Andy and the guys are back with yet another solid Digital Short. It's no "Sloths" or "Laser cats" But it definitely holds the bar high.

Recently Played 9/10

2008-09-10T19:04:00.000-07:00

Here Is a taste of what I have been listening to today with the new and improved iTunes 8.0. BTW Genius is pretty sweet and is definitely a welcomed addition.

You Don't Know Me
Ben Folds

This is a new song off of his new Album titled: Way To Normal

Your New Twin-Sized Bed
Death Cab For Cutie

Benson Hedges (Demo)
Fun

Put together with remnants of The Format, which recently broke up, Fun sound very similar to the sound of The Format. Very enjoyable, upbeat listening even at the demo stage.

Enjoy!

MMMM... McDonalds

2008-09-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

Mcdonald's

... Just let that sink in... ahhhh. Now I know that there are mixed reactions to this famous food chain. Tonight I will try to weigh the pros and cons and see what comes out on top.

Pros:

Delicious

McDonald's food is undeniably delicious, and nobody knows why. There is something about almost every menu item that makes you beg for more. I think we have all had that wonderful feeling after eating a double quarter pounder with cheese with extra large fries and a wonderful Micky D's coke. I think it is called gluttony and it is oh so satisfying. How can we help ourselves when they have the best tasting Coke and the best french fries on earth? I think it is so crazy how the more you eat, the more you want. I have a feeling they put cocaine in their food to make you come back for more....touche Mcdonald's...Touche.

Cheap

I only need two words to prove my point on this one: Dollar Menu. Where else can you get a double cheeseburger, a chicken sandwich, a small fry and a large iced tea for $4.32? Nowhere! Now, of course if you you go and buy the so called "Value Meals", then you are not really getting the best deal. It isn't expensive by any means but just not as good as the fabled dollar menu.

Convenient

We, as Americans, are a lazy people who have a terrible fixation on instant gratification. What better example to illustrate these truly American ideals than the Drive-thru? Look at that. We are too lazy to even spell it out all the way. The great drive-thru is what made/makes Mcdonald's in my opinion. I mean if you are going to go get fatty, greasy fast food, why should you have to exit the seated position to get it? It really does make getting food a heck of a lot easier. Also, you get to avoid the highscoolers, getting minimum wage, with the terrible attitudes inside (they know they are getting screwed too).

Con:

Totally Unhealthy

For all the arguments you can make for McDonald's, there is not one person who says that it is healthy. I mean really how can you defend a meal that contains 1890 calories? You really can't. That will get you every single time. Some people have gone as far as to sue Mcdonald's for making them fat. Others have just made movies presenting the facts of the matter. Actually, to be fair, Mcdonald's does offer some healthier alternatives like salads or parfaits but who really buys them?

Conclusion

Don't be a complete idiot and eat unhealthy food everyday (including Mcdonald's). If you like Mcdonald's, or in my case love it, then just eat it every once in a while as a treat. The key to any guilty pleasure is moderation.

Excited Yet? You Should Be!

2008-09-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

September 25th is fast approaching, and what does that mean? New episodes of the Office! If you are like me and have been going through Office withdrawals then you are in luck. If you are going through withdrawals of your favorite Analrapist, however, you wont be pacified as soon.

If you want to recap any of the past episodes check them out here and here.

Jewel Of The Interwebs 9/6

2008-09-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

Here is yet another gem from the the vast web that is the internet. Where would we be without such easy access these meaningful videos that enrich our lives? Man! I am so glad Al Gore was born.

Enjoy!

I Hate 8/27 : Bluetooth Headset Douchebags

2008-08-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

Today's entry is devoted to something I hate immensely: Bluetooth Headset Douchebags or BHDs

Description:

Those guys (and ladies) who love talking on their bluetooth headsets in public for all to hear. They love their futuristic technology and wear it with pride. If possible, I am sure they would have the thing surgically attached to their head. Not all of them would, however, because if it were attached to their head, then they wouldn't look so totally awesome putting it in.

Why I hate them:

Everyone knows who I am talking about. Many are ashamed to have relatives in this universally hated demographic, and some may even be BHDs themselves. They talk way louder than they have to simply to make you aware of how cool they are for talking on a cell phone without using their hands. I feel so stupid everytime when I think they are talking to me but they are really on the phone with a client or their grandma. They just look at you like you are are some sort of idiot who was evesdropping on their conversation. Well, I am sorry that I think that you are talking to me when you scream: "how are ya?" 2 inches behind my head. I know you look at me in disgust for turning around, but you my friend, are the one that everyone makes fun of.

How to stop Them:

I think our best bet is to start some sort of scare story about how they will get brain cancer if they continue to be BHDs and use bluetooth headsets. If it turns out to be true then we win either way. If they stop using them then they will go away and if they all die from using them then they go extinct. Wow, that is such a sweet idea... I am gonna get Al Gore to help me start this huge lie and have people believing it is science!

Recently Played 8/24

2008-08-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

Here are some songs that tickled my ear drums today.

Bloc Party - Better Than Heaven

This is a great song from the new Bloc Party album titled "Intimacy". Check out the album and you will not be disappointed.

Flobots - Handlebars

Yes, I know this one is making its way through the mainstream radio waves, but I can't help but like the catchy melody and simple lyrics. The video is pretty cool as well. Check out their Album titled "Fight with tools".

Alex Gopher - Brain Leech (Bugged Mind Remix)

A great remix of a great song. I am a fan of most of Alex Gopher's music

ENJOY!

New iPods out soon...

2008-08-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

The picture above is of the supposed structure of the new ipod nano out soon. Some are saying as soon as a few weeks. Here are the latest rumors circulating about the upcoming change:

- Revamp of entire iPod line.
- Small cosmetic changes to Touch, Nano to see significant redesign (see pic above).
- iPods to see fairly large price drops to distance itself from the $199 iPhone.
- iPod touch 2.1 software, iPhone to get update very soon after.
- iTunes 8.0 ("it's a big update w/new features").
- All of this coming in the next 2-3 weeks.

***Info courtesy of Kevin Rose***

A price drop? Sweet! I remember paying 400 bucks for a 60 gig iPod photo. The iPods now have way more features for about half the price. Man, they saw me coming for sure.

Ninjas. Need I say more?

2008-08-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

Being a ninja, cloaked in darkness, fighting evil with lethal fists, may not be all it is cracked up to be anymore. Apparently some kids in New Jersey dressed up like ninjas and decided to take out some drug dealers. The boys are now in some heat with the cops who see this as a bad thing. I don't know about you, but to me, being a ninja is super rad and so is taking out drug dealers. I fail to see the downside. But then again, I saw the ninjas in Batman Begins and there is no way I would speak ill of them.

Looking Ridiculous Is Now An Olympic Sport

2008-08-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen yet, there is an exciting sport taking the Beijing Olympics by storm. That sport, of course, is walking. Yes, walking. That thing you do everyday on your way to the car. Some of you may even practice this Olympic sport in your very own home. When I first heard about this absurd sport, it was on the NBC Olympic coverage. Like most of you, I thought it was a terribly fantastic and elaborate joke. It was not a joke, and I think that makes it even funnier.

Bush Is A Dude Just Like You (Update)

2008-08-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

If you thought the picture below was too good to be true, then here is another one for you. You may hate him or love him, but you can't deny he is human.

Bush Is A Dude Just Like You

2008-08-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

The Olympics have and will continue to bring us heartwarming stories of perserverance, hard work, and the like. It will also bring us awesome pictures like this one (click for larger version) of President Bush checking out some ass, errr, volleyball. ENJOY!

Jewel of the Interwebs 4/19/08

2008-04-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

While searching the interwebs for something to amuse and/or entertain me, I was made aware of a wonderfully terrible website. Here, let me pitch you the idea:

Have you ever thought: "I wish I had a scary girlfriend who could kill me and not shed a tear"? Perhaps you are loooking for that "wild girl" who will introduce you to a life of crime. Or maybe you just want a deadbeat, drugged-up whore to cuddle on the couch and watch the Notebook with.

If this sounds like you then you are two things; stupid and very much in luck. Womenbehindbars.com will offer you the chance to talk to the women who you just can't get to any other way, the girls you always wanted but can't have. Convicted Felons. Now, if a romantic relationship is a little too much commitment then feel free to have a look around for a penpal the website states.. That way when the inmates find out that you think they are ugly and unappealing they will know exactly where to look for you.

This sounds too good to be true! It is a win/win situation for all. Also this site is terribly old looking. It reminds of how the internet looked back in the days of Oregon Trail. Anyway, go look for yourself. Just note: This site is best viewed with Netscape Navigator on a 1999 laptop and while being F**KING INSANE.

Tech Support

2008-01-05T12:19:00.000-08:00

As I am writing this, my friend Doug is on the phone with Customer Assistance for Xbox Live. Customer Assistance is a terrible name seeing as how you don't receive any real assistance whatsoever. You do, however, receive an hour of Barry Manilow hold music and a trial by fire lesson in understanding heavy Indian accents. I mean you can call customer service for something as American as Microsoft or Dell and still get a man you cant understand.

After spitting out his Operator ID number, faster than the guy at the end of car commercials, he will say: "My name is Victor, How may I help you?" How can a man with such a heavy Indian accent ever be named Victor? I don't see it. Had he moved from russia while an infant then adopted the accent of his peers in India? NO! He is lying and how can you expect help form a liar?

It may not be much... but it is mine.

2008-01-04T15:03:00.000-08:00

OK!

I Have a blog. Wow. It is so liberating to finally say those words out loud. So, yes, I have succumbed to the pressure of getting my own Blog. Everyone and their grandmother has a blog these days; most grandmothers can barely turn on a computer so I figured I had better get with the times. That being said, I am going to use this to write funny little things and maybe update people on what I'm up to. I am pretty sure that most of the things I will write will be both humorless and boring, however, you might like them.

I will leave you with a funny little video I came across while surfing the interwebs. This video is from some old afterschool special from the '80s. This gang looks like it would tease my hair and give me a makeover before it would knife me or pop a cap in my ass. The one black guy could make lance bass singing the theme song to brokeback mountain look hetero.